honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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