So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
