hotel room ftw
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There r osticjed everywhere
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
