I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
