At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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