I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
