the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
