You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
