I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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