There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
