Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
