i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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