Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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