READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
