there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
