It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
