Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
