I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
