i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
