Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
