Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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