Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
