Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
