Sorry, I don't speak sober.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
