i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
