Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
