Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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