Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
