Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
