i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
