god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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