He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
