the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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