i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
