O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
