just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
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