sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
