sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
