Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
