New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
