Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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