When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
