The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
