and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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