She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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