i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
