Ambien. No doubt about it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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