We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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