Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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