You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
