You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
