just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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